I have not had an alcoholic drink in a few months. This isn't huge news because, a few exceptions aside (Denmark!), I have never been that much of a drinker. But now? A few sips off the top of my husband's or my friend's drink, yes- but not a whole beer, a whole cocktail, an entire glass of wine. I did not plan to become a teetotaler. It just happened.
My body is changing with this training. I am realizing that I just don't want to eat or drink anything that doesn't fuel me and doesn't help me. Well, let me clarify that. Sometimes I want to eat something that just tastes damn good even if it isn't going to help me all that much nutritionally...until I do eat it and I end up feeling like crap the next morning. My body seems to have very little patience with the whims of my fancy-and it is taking my head some time to deal with that.
Yesterday, a friend told me that after work she had to stop by a French bakery to find some emotional support . Now, although I usually have a pretty clean diet, I have been known to partake in finding emotional support via a nice dark chocolate bar (or 2...), some homemade goodies, or even the old stand-by- Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey or Mint Chocolate Cookie. Thing is, lately, this isn't working that well. It's hard to find a spot of peace in a pint of ice cream when the ice cream itself is making you feel crappy. The good news to this is I will have to seek healthier avenues to soothe the wounds suffered by my ego, my soul, and my body. The bad news to this is the same- I will have to find other avenues for solace. I say bad news, but it really isn't. This race is one again upending how I "do things"- how I have lived my life. Getting a grip on emotional eating is great. But, it is also true, that with any change- even change for the better- there is a period of having to let go of what was and accept and embrace what is. I am not sure yet what will replace my comfort foods- what else will give me that outlet, that feeling of, "what the heck," that feeling of reprieve...
Maybe something physical- but tough when already physically spent. Maybe reading or sewing- but tough as it requires me to think! Maybe meditating- but tough as I like to communal aspect of ice-cream eating. Don't laugh- but right now I think I'm stuck doing jigsaw puzzles!
That all said, I do not feel rigid. I do not feel inside like one of "those" people who don't eat this and that, don't drink, don't stay up late...but I can see how someone else may see me that way. Sometimes, as I shake my head, "No," as Jay, my favorite bartender, looks at me with raised eyebrows (his signal for, "Can I make you a drink?") I feel a little odd. Seems a little funny that that is where I draw my line in the sand. Crossing the Pacific? OK. Staying out late and indulging- not now.
Slowly my mind and body are merging- Descartes be damned. What I crave- nutritionally- is what my body needs. For someone who has been physically active her whole life, who has a pretty keen awareness of her body and how it functions, and who eats, by and large, well...it has surprised me how much more active and aware I have become. This journey is way more than crossing an ocean.